Looking through pictures on Facebook and I think to myself, “I definitely wouldn’t fit in there.” “I’m so different from them.” “Wow, that’s a gorgeous group of ladies, I don’t belong there.” “Why wasn’t I there?” “Could I step that far out of comfort zone?” “They dress so nice. That’s impressive & a little intimidating.” So many questions. So many criticisms of myself. So many feelings.
I have never really felt like an outsider. I’ve never questioned where I actually fit in or where my place was. I’ve always felt 100% confident that I belonged exactly where I was at. Until lately. Lately, it’s been the opposite. I don’t feel confident about where I belong and I find myself questioning where exactly I fit in.
•Have you ever looked around you and constantly questioned where you fit in?•
I look around at my family, co-workers & friends and we are all in different stages of our lives, which I celebrate, but it keeps me asking where do I fit in the picture of their life? We all have busy work schedules, babies on the way (Just so we are clear – NOT ME!), different ball practices with the kids, side hustles, Student Government functions, parents we are caring for, health issues, and the list could go on forever. We are all on our own timeline and all celebrating different things. Yet, there are still times when I feel left out, picked over, inadequate, left behind, or unworthy of good things.
If I know that we are all busy and it isn’t personal, why do I feel this way? My hope is that it’s all in my head and I’m just extremely hard on myself. 9 out of 10 times, I find myself standing in my own way! Please say I’m not the only one! How many times have you stood in your own way? It’s possibly the battles that I face without telling anyone that isolates me at times. It could be my anxiety & OCD rearing it’s ugly head. It could be a lack of communication. There are a number of things that could lead to feeling like I just don’t belong. So I’ve been reflecting a lot on what Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And y’all that is power packed! I GET TO DECIDE WHO HURTS ME AND I GET TO DECIDE WHERE I FIT IN.
I don’t want to change myself to fit in anywhere. It’s taken me a lot of soul searching to figure out who I am. I don’t want to lose myself in seeking approval from others. I want to be the best version of myself day in and day out. (And I challenge you to be the best that you can be!)
I have to find a way to get out of thinking the harsh thoughts that I often do about myself. Being so hard on myself is only resulting in making me feel stuck in a rut. After all, what you tell yourself will eventually become your reality. Right? I have to start talking to myself the way I talk to my friends. If I can build them up – I can build myself up. Sounds simple enough, right?
I’ll leave you with my thoughts on how I plan to overcome these feelings of not belonging.
1. Turn my negative thoughts about myself into positive ones.
2. Remembering that I belong to the place where I don’t feel lonely and different. I belong with the people who make me feel brave enough to seize the day.
3. Accepting that people can’t read my mind and knowing that communication is key. MY feelings are MINE to feel and I should articulate them when necessary.
4. Continuing on my journey to TOTAL self love.
5. Always being more than willing to share the REAL ME with the world.
I hope that if you are struggling with the same things, this will help you! I look forward to hearing your thoughts.