And it’s every emotion imaginable in a matter of seconds…
The call that we know is coming, but are never prepared for. The one that shatters us to our very core. The one that makes our heart skip a beat and our eyes fill with tears. The one that shakes your very existence in a way you didn’t know possible. That call. The one that says, “she’s gone!”
My heavy eyes were barely even able to open when the sting of the tears hit them. The tears were hot on my cheeks and they wouldn’t stop falling. Crying out. Part of me crying because my life can’t be the same without her. Part of me crying because my soul is rejoicing in the fact that she is whole and she is getting to see Jesus. Part of me selfishly yearning and telling God I’m not ready.
How do you convince your heart of something your mind understands, but your heart doesn’t?? Literally, how do you do it?
How do you pick up the pieces of your shattered heart? Of your kid’s shattered heart? Or your mother’s? Or your siblings? At 2:17 AM in the dark, with tears that won’t stop flowing…how do you find the pieces? How do feel okay again? Can you ever feel whole again? How do you stop the waves of nausea that keep washing over you? When you look all around you and everyone is broken, how do you decide who has to be the strong one? Or do you just stay right where you are? In a puddle on the floor asking God for peace. Is this where I’ll be forever? How do you put the pieces together for anyone else when your own puzzle is missing pieces now? My heart has so many questions. My heart knows Jesus, but in a time like this, My heart just can’t comprehend it. But who am I to question God’s plan?
When that call comes in, it is the onset of an unbearable pain. It’s leaves a gaping hole that can’t be filled. Although, as I’m riding home in the car, the clock reads 5:38 and I can see the sky starting to turn colors where the sun is peeking through and I am reminded of how God always shows us his light. Even in the darkest of times. Even the worst of heartbreaks. May 20th, 2018. The day my life changed tremendously. The day my Nana earned her wings.
Rest In Peace, Nana.
Josephine Fleming 6/8/36 – 5/20/2018
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Thank you in advance for the continued prayers. Service information will be shared as soon as possible.